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a biweekly reflection on the day-to-day by one of our own.
Amy
Sander Montanez is a writer, teacher, therapist, retreat leader, and spiritual
director who attends Trinity Cathedral, Columbia. We're very excited
to be able to offer this column. We think you'll be excited too!
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In the Moment—One Pilgrim's Attempt to Be
Present
By Amy Sander Montanez, D. Min.
Be careful what you pray for
I have several
favorite prayers in The Book of Common Prayer. One of them is
said during the service of Holy Baptism, and ends with these words.
“Sustain them, O Lord, in your Holy Spirit. Give them an inquiring
and discerning heart, the courage to will and to persevere, a spirit
to know and to love you, and the gift of joy and wonder in all your
works. Amen.”
On a recent Sunday, after watching eight soft, pink, noisy babies and one very happy adult receive the sacrament of Baptism, we prayed this prayer, and I thought, “Could we wish anything more powerful and meaningful for our children? Do we really mean these words?”
“Give her an inquiring and discerning mind.” If she (or he) really got this kind of mind, she might disagree with me. She might have her own thoughts and reach her own conclusions and they might be very different from my own. She might end up believing things about God that I don’t believe. She might be more conservative (or liberal, or free, or tolerant, or prejudiced, etc.) than I am. She might take me to task on my own thoughts, my blind spots, my orthodoxies, my own unconscious process, and that might not feel very good. In short, she might be my Zen Master. Is that what I bargained for?
“Give him the courage to will and to persevere.” But only, Lord, if he’s not using that strong will and perseverance to push back against me. We don’t like “strong-willed children.” There are even books published about how to deal with these challenging, high- spirited little ones. And yet, here we are, praying for that specifically. And then, Sweet Jesus, if he really gets to know and love You, he might just want to turn life upside down, just like You did. He might not be orderly and diplomatic. He might not be socially or politically correct. He might even be outspoken at church!
And then there’s the “gift of wonder in all your works” part. Children naturally have the gift of wonder, if we don’t scare it out of them. Maybe we’re really praying that for ourselves, so we don’t dry up and miss what is right before our eyes. Do I still have the gift of wonder? I did enjoy talking to the bird that seemed to be calling to me this morning as I sat on the front porch, tying my sneakers for my early morning walk.
“It’s a beeeautiful day, Miss Amy, don’t you agree? Sparkling! Magnificent! Don’t miss it!”
“Thanks for reminding me, Mr. Bird. But it is only 6:30 you know . . . some people are still trying to sleep.”
“I’m a bird, Miss Amy. This is what I do. I get up early and I sing my heart out. I can’t imagine anyone would take exception to this. You’ve got to be who you are, you know.”
“Good advice, Mr. Bird. I’ve got to be who I am.”
So here’s the prayer for the newly baptized. Be yourself. Grow into the unique God-seed that you are. Never stop being amazed and wondering at the world. And if all of that is a little tough on your parents and those around you, be patient with them. They just need to be reminded of what they prayed for.
©Copyright Amy Sander Montanez, 2007