Who's At the Heart of Group Reunions?

A September 2001 Fourth Day article.

In his sermon last Sunday our rector Bob Chiles talked about the value of his small clergy group. After church, we talked about group reunions in general, and I walked away with several things on my mind that I'd like to share with you.

First, it takes time to build an effective group reunion. It takes time for each member to have a chance to "tell his/her story." Most especially, it takes time to share personal doubts, failures, hopes and dreams, emotional ups and downs, and present hurts or joys. This doesn't happen overnight for any small group. For Bob Chiles' group, it's taken four years of regular meetings and commitment to get to the point where, as he put it, they're comfortable enough to tell each other to "cut to the chase" and get down to basics.

We've just added some new people to my own regular face-to-face group reunion, and in the first few meetings, I've felt a "leap of spirit" among everyone there. An immediate comfort level in sharing histories. However, I also know that there is no substitute for commitment over the years. There is no way to reach the depth of intimacy Bob Chiles' four-year group has, in a few weeks. Besides time, it takes commitment to showing up on a regular basis and to following the group reunion outline with some measure of discipline over time.

Second, it takes preparation. Sure, there are times when we just "show up" out of a sense of duty, but if this is happening on a regular basis, I believe we greatly limit the potential for true spiritual sharing. When I think about the group reunion outline ahead of time, I find myself zeroing in on which questions are most significant to me that week, rather than just taking a shotgun approach in my responses. We each need to take time to pray for the success of each and every group reunion. When we consciously open ourselves to the Holy Spirit ahead of time, we find ourselves sharing what God really wants us to share and affirming each other in a way that is Spirit-led, helping us to transcend mere social aspects of getting together.

Third, we need to keep the focus on Jesus Christ. Group reunions are not simply forums for theological discussion, although certainly, asking honest questions and grappling with answers can be a very stimulating part of group reunion! These discussions do provide a way for people to open up. But at some point, the focus needs to be brought back to the central question, "What is the impact on my relationship, today, with Christ?" If we keep avoiding this question, we place significant limits on ourselves and on the Holy Spirit. We stifle the primary goals of group reunion: personal growth, group building and accountability to take individual action and share one's life with others. We stifle our abilities to enable the best in each other. As the NEC "Group Reunion" pamphlet puts it:

Most people realize about 10% of their potential. The other 90% lies beneath a pile of fears, failures, broken dreams, painful childhood memories and guilt feelings that add up to make us feel that we are notgoing to make it in anything we do ... In the company of sympathetic caring, loving people, we are able to open up and talk about our hang-ups and fears as well as hopes and dreams for the future. Instead of getting negative feedback from others, we get positive reinforcement affirmation ... and we are able to say, "I have unique gifts ... I can accomplish these things ... I will try again."

Certainly, a good support group gives us these feelings and affirmation, but when we keep Jesus and our relationship with Him at the center of things, monumental things happen to change the world and to change ourselves.

I encourage you to take time to read NEC Booklet, "Group Reunions." Every time I re-read it, the Spirit renews my commitment to group reunion and to pray more intensely for all of us to find and keep group reunions that meet our innermost needs.

Ultreya!
Janet Jendron
Cursillo Council President

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